At one point in my life, I was known for my obnoxious questions. You know, the prying, I want to know you better, kinds of questions. Thankfully for my current friends, I have laid off the interrogation style of friendship. Now it is mostly reserved for my children. Lucky for me, my children actually enjoy my questioning.
I'm kinda obsessed with games, journals, etc. that ask a lot of questions. Have you ever had one of those "All About Me" journals? I have one somewhere, and I don't think I've ever written a darn thing in it, but I love it because it gives me ideas of questions to ask other people. I'm always keeping my eye out for games or books in this vein...relational stuff.
When we go on roadtrips as a family, we always have little pocket games like "KidTalk" or "Family Talk" in the bag o' travel fun. One of my favorites is "Kid's Choices" which poses a dilemma and then asks what you would do in that situation. These are excellent for talking to your kids about how to make choices, moral dilemmas, etc. We've passed many a mile of family vacation with these conversation starters. (I bought these on homeschool websites, so if you are interested, you could check Rainbow Resource, Timberdoodle, Love to Learn, etc).
My friend's (Mike) mom (Kerrie) was in a thrift store and came across this game, "Personal Preference". She picked it up for me and it has been my favorite game ever since. I don't think you can buy it anymore unless you could dig it up on eBay. She found it for me over a decade ago and it was really old even then. If you come over for dinner, I'll pull it out and let you play :)
Several years ago, we were at a Christmas Eve party at my brother's house and he had an "If..." book on the coffeetable. There are several of these books available, and they basically ask questions like, "If you could go back in time, as yourself, to observe any single event from history, what would you want to witness?" Each page is filled with these "if" questions. We spent a good chunk of that party asking one another questions, and then I went home and ordered my own book because I loved it so much.
The girls and I go on LOTS of walks and hikes. So a couple summers ago, we started calling them, "Walk & Talks" because I would always be asking the girls questions. It took some time for them (well, Sadie) to realize that it isn't really about the question being asked, but more about the conversation that comes about as a result of the question. The question is just a jumping-off point. Avery loves to talk, so this concept came easily to her. Sadie, on the other hand, is a lot like her mama and she has a tendency to give short, to-the-point answers. She has to be prodded & information pulled from her, at times. I have to laugh at how crazy this can make me because I know one of my best friends in the world hates this exact same thing about me.
Anyhow, I'm getting off course. A few months ago, we went on a Walk & Talk. I was having an off day. I had a headache, and truth be known, I would have been content to let the girls walk ahead of me while I listened to my iPod, lost in my own thoughts. But the girls were eager for my questions, so I obliged them. Apparently Avery could tell that my heart wasn't in it that day because she commented to me that my questions were "boring" that day. Can't sneak anything past kids these days :)
So I decided that I better come better prepared the next time. The next time, I had written down questions to ask them (pillow talk questions I had found on a parenting website). And then I found a version of Family Talk that was on a handy dandy ring that I could clip right to a bag. That has been going along on our walks lately.
I don't think that I could even convey the value that I've found in these little "walk & talks". Such a simple thing, talking to your kids. But I am so intensely convinced of the power of communicating on a deep level with my girls. It is important for the present, for knowing what they are thinking about right now, what concerns them and so forth, but I am even more concerned about being sure that the lines of communication are wide open as they approach their teen years. It is my goal to make sure that they know they can talk to me about anything, that I'm always available. If you would have told me when my kids were babies that I would be having the deep, insightful, thought-provoking conversations with my kids that I'm having now, I would have doubted you. But the truth is, at eight and nine years old, kids have a capacity for understanding much more than we realize. I've always been big on not talking to my kids in babytalk (though for some reason I still do that to other people's babies); I've always said, "You get what you expect"; and I feel like many parents have a tendency to dumb-down their kids. Yes, they are kids. But if you give them the opportunity, they might amaze you with what they have going on in their head and in their heart. I've been brought to tears by their sensitivity to others; I've been convicted by their words; I've been motivated to be better because they notice everything, nothing escapes them; I've been challenged to learn more because far too often, I don't have the answers. I love my girlies so much, and I am so humbled by them every time we share these talks with each other.
Now, if you'll excuse me, we have a walk & talk scheduled at 2:00pm.
